I feel like the Wicked Witch in the Wizard of Oz…..
Last week I went for my annual checkup…you know, that place you go once a year to be told to lose weight, eat more veggies, exercise more and stop drinking so much. After sitting in the waiting room for 26 hours (I know why they call it a waiting room, I take my knitting with me to pass the time), the nurse takes me into teeny cube room #1 for weighing and measuring…like your a trophy Bass or Muskie.
Weight was ok, exact same as a year ago – bonus for me cause I know I gained a few over the winter, but all the gardening lately and the new bike routine must have worked its magic….so I hop off the scale and she says ‘nope! not done yet – get back on here’…crud, I forgot the measuring device was attached to the scale. My Doctor’s office has the oldest weigh scale on the planet, I swear…it has the weights to slide from one side to the other to balance the weight, and at the back of it there is a long steel measuring stick poking up with a slide thingie (technical term) that slides down to the top of your head.
She says “Five feet, one inch”
Wait a minute, I was 5′ 1 1/2″ a year ago!!!!
I have lost a half inch in height in one year!!
At this rate, I will be three foot nothing when I am 98.
After I got off the crazy fortune telling device, the nurse shows me into teeny cube room #2, where I sat knitting and ‘waited’ for another 10 minutes until the wisecracking Doc pops in. ‘Whatcha knittin’ he asks….a body bag I tell him, for you if I have any more bad news. He cracks a smile..what bad news? I just walked in here…..OK, let’s just cut to the chase I tell him…. I have lost a 1/2″ in height in ONE YEAR! He says it is normal for people of your age (He has one leg in the body bag for that comment) to lose some height. I would be concerned if it was an inch in one year, but a half inch is OK.
Doesn’t concern HIM, but it sure does concern me! I am called a short-ass by my loved ones already, my only saving grace is that I have one cousin and one adult niece that are WAY shorter than I am and I feel like a giant standing next to them…soon I will be just as tall as they are and then who am I gonna poke fun of? The squirrels outside? Pfft….
I can’t believe how miffed I am about losing another half inch in height, yes ANOTHER… I used to be 5’2″ back when I was 20. We went through all the rest of the physical stuff, but I still kept hearing those words in my head repeating over and over…
You are 5’1″
I left the Docs office and immediately went to the nearest shoe store
and bought 12 pairs of 6″ stilettos.
I then went home and sulked the remainder of the day until hubby came home. He asked how things went… I told him I lost a half inch in height in one year – I am now only 5’1″!!!
He leans his 6′ 2″ frame over me to plant a smooch and doesn’t say a word….
He knows better….